Everything is in its right place
I am sitting in the Westchester Airport and finally able to see clearly. I cried for a good minute. Every time I leave to begin a journey it feels as though I am going through a breakup. My heart feels heavy and I know that things will never be the same - and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just that emotions are so real. The memories. I honor it. I am grateful for it … for feeling. I spent a great deal of the day sorting student loan things and just really processing everything. I have no idea what I would do without Jillian. Today … everyday has been phenomenal. She, Michelle + Dewey dropped me off at the airport and I wept. I thank God for the blessings and the people and the experiences that have continuously happened in my life. Coming home was about so many things. One of the biggest things was the understanding of everything coming full circle. So many questions were answered … questions that wore me out for years. But the answers came effortlessly. They happened without me trying. Many things ran their course and what I had to do was feel. I am still overrun with many emotions. I am sitting in the airport sniffing and sniffing and sniffing - partly quasi cold and partly from still crying. I have no idea what the future holds. I just know that I can continue to be me and truly truly truly continue being faithfully full of faith. I won’t harp on how easy it is not. Instead I will express gratitude for all that has been, all that will be + all that it is. Because why? It IS what it MUTHAFUCKIN’ is! Man these emotions are knockin’ me sideways. I pray that when I get to Brasil and then arrive in Salvador that the pandemonium is being healed. I’ve been bombarded by folks telling me how dangerous it is to go. And I am not anyone’s kind of fool. I just know my steps are divinely ordered and I learned that we shall always walk by faith and not by sight. And with that being said … PLEASE PRAY FOR A BROTHA! :) I got you, as well. And for all of my loved ones that I didn’t get to see - I apologize. My intentions were there. I pray that when we connect it is when we are supposed to because … everything is in it’s right place.
Alright loved ones - I gotta catch this flight! Vou com deus sempre! *deep sigh* I can do this!
