I have the character to be trusted by humanity.
The character of a champion.
Salvador, Bahia, Brasil! :)
This is a scripture that I remember hearing SO much in my life.
I’ve always heard my grandmas say it.
I do understand how blessed + fortunate I am to not only have a grandmother but several + a GREAT-GRANDMOTHER!
When I grew up we didn’t use “step” or “half” as an attachment to any family.
So, my younger brothers grandmother is also my grandmother.
Point. Blank. Period.
With that being said, I grew up going to church ALL the time.
And for the most part I greatly enjoyed it.
What’s funny is that my most noticeable talents - i.e. public speaking, performing, etc. - are rooted in church.
I grew up in a couple of churches but the most significant church was Evangelistic Center Church of God in Christ.
Yes, Miss Thing, COGIC!
I will never forget Easter Sundays where I’d often get the longest scripture to remember and recite before the church - at like 5 years old.
LOL I will especially never forget when I was about 5 years old and I had to read a scripture from the Bible in front of the entire church - my heart is beating just recalling this experience - and before I could even get a word out…CROCODILE TEARS WERE MONSOONING FROM MY EYES! I just wanted my mother. But I had Past Jack Vaughn there beside me and he consoled me and read each word with me. Needless to say, we read a very moist scripture. That moment changed my life. People often think I just popped out of nowhere with confidence + zeal. This isn’t the case. It’s been a long time coming. And I understand now the importance of recalling + embracing past experiences and pivotal memories. These are our references. I’ve mentioned a lot of scorn and pain that I’ve endured but I MUST express within the same breath the love + support that paralleled. It’s complicated. It’s life. After that day I knew I could do anything. ANYTHING! I learned that God + The Divine + High Power (insert your own descriptor) will ALWAYS provide. And we most certainly will have to do some work, as well. I sent my cousin Gloria a thank you message before writing this entry. I just thanked her for being love. Before sending her message (on facebook) I realized that I wrote her this time last year and I noticed she sent me a beautiful message:
Glad to have shared my thoughts with you. Sometimes we need to be reminded of where our journey began. We can pick things out in others, but we are usually focused on the negative not the positive that we see. I love watching growth in all of my family. It means that they will survive another generation. You have made your mark on life and living it to the fullest. It took me a long time to recognize that the bumps in life are just that bumps, sometimes I need a little bump in the road to get my attention back in the right direction. I now just rejoice when something happens, because I recognize it means something better is in the making. Oh and by the way I see you wear a skirt or leggings as well as me, I still have a great set of legs and love a high heel shoe…..LOL
Whoever knows me knows that I LOVE my family! I love my friends! In fact, my friends are family + my family are my friends. And when I told them I am gay we hit some serious bumps. Fierce, in fact. But this is my journey. And I love me and at the end of the day…I know they love me, as well. Because through it all they truly gave me the majority of my tools that I use to dismantle a lot of bull shit that I come across. Then I assemble things my way - with love.
Faith without works is dead has just ALWAYS stood out to be after hearing. Too me it just always translated to - We, as people, have to understand that we don’t wake ourselves up, we don’t have the final word. EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE DO! Because ANYTHING can happen! When I was a kid one of the closest people to me committed suicide. I was 10 years old. When he did that I had to grow up over night. A part of me died, as well. It is now that I realize that though a part of me died…an incredible spirit was birthed within in the same moment. This person is my younger brothers father. He raised me. My childhood + teenage years were hell because I understood mortality and that it isn’t a matter of life vs. death. But to live, now. No one knows what the fuck is gonna happen after we leave this earth. So why anticipate it? All of this has informed who I am. I don’t know how to not be myself - nor do I have the desire to learn. I am me and I am grateful. I have faith that who I am is a blessing from God and that I am who I am and the world ain’t seen NOTHING YET! I am grateful for EACH and EVERY person that I have come across and shown me how to love. Your lessons + passings weren’t in vain. Who knows…we may cross paths again or we may not. It’s not up to us. So in the meantime + in between time GET YOUR LIFE! Don’t just be a passenger in your life. Let the universe work her magic and you do the same in the interim. I believe that it’s more of a fierce puzzle than we realize. Overall, I do my best to be kind to myself and be generous. What’s this mean? I do shit that I want to do + makes me happy. Laugh. Dance. Smoke weed. Learn. Teach. Love. Embrace. Tell myself positive things like “I am worth it. I am beautiful. I am kind. I am successful. I am love.”
One life to live, babe. Fortunately, some us get a second chance, though :) And I know some folks that have turned the party out and had SEVERAL opportunities. We are more than conquerers. Beat hatred. Beat cancer. Beat HIV/AIDS. Beat abuse. Beat insecurity. Beat doubt. Beat discouragement. Beat lupus. Beat negativity. Beat depression. JUST BEAT IT! *grabs crotch in homage of Michael Jackson* Uplift health. Uplift inspiration. Uplift music. Uplift dance. Uplift friends. Uplift beauty. Uplift forgiveness. UPLIFT YOU!
It’s your life…you got to live it! Beautiful people.
And on that note I must go prepare for my day. I have sooooooooooooooo many feelings. Graduation soon! BRASIL SOON! AHHHHH!!!! LOL
Today I am taking it easy. I have to go and run errands for my Brasilian visa and tonight I am having cocktails to celebrate finishing ALL of my university COURSES/CREDITS + CANCERVERSARY! I will be celebrating these things for a LONG TIME!
Pictures to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love + Laugh + LIVE + DANCE!
Follow your passion - it KNOWS where YOU should go.
20 april 2011
bassment | kings cross
nyc, ny | usa
photos courtesy of Mandy Graves + Joshua Asen + Bianca de Ligh